Goddamn Alone

by Gratiot Lake Road

  • Compact Disc (CD) + Digital Album

    All CD pre-orders come with a bonus EP containing 3 B-sides.
    Comes in a 2-Panel wallet case. Artwork by Emaleigh.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Goddamn Alone via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $10 USD or more 


  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $8 USD  or more


i dream in nightmares and flashes of light i’ve spent twenty-five years running from my family calling them names giving them blame for who i am they don’t seem to mind that i do it and i don’t understand i spend my whole life just below the surface try not to love too deep even if they deserve it maybe that’s why it’s so hard to get out of bed maybe my heart is in backwards or maybe it’s just dead everyone that i know they’re all moving away and i can’t see me leaving but i can’t see me staying and i don’t know when i’ll see you again i don’t know that i’ll care but i’ll think of you now and again but i don’t want to spend my whole life thinking of what might have been
take your time just make it back alive i’m not asking you to stay forever just tonight i don’t mind the road when we’re together but when you’re all alone i shudder to think of the night and all those careening headlights i don’t want to change apart from you everything is strange without you here please come home you were right there’s no place that knows you better than that sad little room on the second floor of your parents’ house and you’ve been trying to sever that part of your mind sending death threats in return for love letters from a past that you’re ashamed of i don’t want to hold you down i just want to hold you in my arms please come home so will you drive that pennsylvania turnpike with its speeding semis and brake lights in the snow a hundred times to meet me in the morning or will you stay behind and leave me holding out my hands forever i don’t want to live without you here everything is strange apart from you please come home
you don’t really love me it’s just the chemicals in your brain coursing through your body filling up your veins some for love and some for hate i don’t really know you just the person you let me see i’m not calling you a liar there’s just some parts you hide from me but i don’t mind that’s good enough for me i’ve been thinking lately how its really such a waste all this medication to keep my thoughts at bay when i still cry all night and sleep all day i still worry baby that someday you will leave and all my fears and worries will be the end of me well maybe not but probably
Monsters 03:20
so i’ll stand right here until the water runs cold maybe longer if i feel like it and when i lie down to sleep it will keep me awake the monsters on the news and the ghosts on the tv it’s been eighteen years more than half of my whole life is it longer because it feels like it and every time it happens i’m frozen in place feeling weak at the knees all helpless and hopeless all your holy ghosts lift up a host of holy hands they sing alleluia amen but they just look away i’ve spent my whole life holding my hands over my eyes viewing the world through my fingertips i don’t know how to be brave don’t even know how to try but i can’t keep standing here with my heart overflowing i am just a moth being drawn to the light learning to love without fear
let’s drive west til the rocks are red up on the north rim the wind whips through your hair and you’ve got something to say but i can’t get it out of you they say the desert was once a lake some vast ocean filled with prehistoric beings but i find it hard to believe in so many simpler things take me north where the world is grey out on the lake where you held your hands to the sky you’ve got a galaxy inside but you don’t know how to share it with me there was a time we were so alive in dying cities where our sermons rose in billows of smoke to shield ourselves from the things that we found hard to believe i’ve got a death wish sometimes it seems and other times i’m petrified of leaving home at all i find it hard to believe that i mean anything
First Snow 05:50
there’s snow coming down there’s kids out screaming in the street running door to door on halloween as i walk the block to my car in the snow they smile at me but all i feel is hollow i’ve been fighting a losing battle with death everyone does some easier than others i guess i just want to know if i’m loved or alone or if my life means anything before i go there’s a spider on my window she’s been there all day and the way she creates is more beautiful than anything i’ve ever made she never needs or wants for love or for purpose she just is and does and never wonders if she deserves it
Fifth Street 02:43
crumbling city belltower overseer of an old salvation that we found but we locked away somehow just clawing at the windows until we stumble back to find it but our young forgetful hearts just wander and war right now who are you in the dark i couldn’t tell if you’re coming or you’re going you were doing both so well and darling i’ve got to find this mind some peace before it goes on choking out my dreams well jesus christ i’d never ever want to live forever oh lord i have seen enough and this soul is dark and scuffed so we’ll waste away on fifth street singing songs and drinking wine and coffee from a jar with our minds and our hearts so dark
the pennsylvania turnpike is an animal graveyard it’s a sea of semis it’s a troubled ride home well i slept through ohio woke up in michigan midwest rust belt hallowed ground isn’t it funny how things change it’s even stranger how they don’t but that place knows me like nobody else everybody’s trying to get by without it to be a better person save their own soul me well i’m just floating yeah i’m just treading water and i’m trying to feel better about the person that i am i’ve been practicing restraint and not feeling guilty when i don’t because it’s hard to love yourself without some hope my father and his brothers they’re all driving down to texas to see the life you lived without them to settle your estate when he called me last night didn’t seem upset about it no he just changed the subject like he never knew your name isn’t it funny how things change it’s even stranger how they don’t but you can’t love someone that you don’t know the pennsylvania turnpike is a mess of steel and rubber it’s death stretching out before me it’s a long way from home i’ve been trying to relax trying to keep my eyes open but i’ve never cared for holding out on hope no i’ve never cared too much for going home
Ghosts 02:49
it’s summer and the stars are out in full force tonight we’re burning driftwood and getting drunk on the beach when we were all in love with everything in the world but how lonesome that loving can be the lighthouse spins silent on the opposite shore its light passing like ghosts through the trees when my fears were like fire and my anger a whore that fed on our uncertainties the stamp sand is sharp on the soles of my feet as we run to the lake in the dark some seven years on i can’t believe that was me what has become of my heart it’s summer and the stars are dancing with the northern lights we’re putting out fires with lake water and piss a pile of empties all crashed at our feet our friends should live longer than this
there are some nights i feel everything and everything is true friends are waving blurry down the street and strangers in the bar look me straight in the eyes and say you’re going places kid i can see that night i couldn’t stop crying on the bed do you remember i couldn’t tell you why sometimes i can’t see straight and i just can’t control it sometimes i just want to die oh sometimes i live my life like it doesn’t mean a thing wake up crying in the night wondering how i got this way shuffling around waiting for my cards to change there’s some nights when my dark sad and angry heart boils over in the car houses billow smoke sirens screaming past i’m scratching poems on scrap in the dark that night after the blue lounge i fell and skinned my knee i didn’t notice i was bleeding until we got home but the people at the bar the way they looked at me it just made me feel so goddamn alone


“Goddamn Alone” is the first studio-recorded album by Gratiot Lake Road. Recorded in the summer of 2018 and 2017 in Michigan.


released September 27, 2019

Gratiot Lake Road is Emaleigh and Ben Jensen
Recorded with Jim Roll at Willis Sound in Willis, MI.


all rights reserved



Gratiot Lake Road Newport News, Virginia

Gratiot Lake Road is the music of Emaleigh and Ben Jensen. (pronounced GRASH-it)

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